Vol wrote:I would be furious if I paid full price for the statue.
That said, if it didn't immediately sold out, I would've bought 11.5 of them, so maybe I'm the real modern major general.
Okay, I've been wanting to write this for ages and I have no idea if anyone has actually tried so...fuck it, here I go;
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian,
I've studied species Turian, Asari and Batarian,
I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology,
Because I am an expert, which I know is a tautology.
I'm very well acquainted too, with science done
Within battle,
Leading mercs into a trap that would baffle and Space cattle,
With Neural Shock, and Cryo Blast, Incenerate is useful too,
Learnt all the ways to cut you down and fix you up in Medic School.
Learnt all the ways to cut you down and fix you up in Medic School.
Learnt all the ways to cut you down and fix you up in Medic School.
Learnt all the ways to cut you down and fix you up in Medic School.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous,
My xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
I am the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
His xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
He is the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
I know Galactic History, The Protheans, The Rachni War,
My recollection of events will leave you with jaws on the floor,
I quote in Khellish all of the times the Council seems to make no sense,
And all the times SpecTRes cover up their illegal incidents.
I've heard Opera, in Aria, penned for Omega's Pirate Queen,
Sung by an Elcor, a more perplexing sight that you have ever seen,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's
Din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense
Pinafore
Then I can write Genetic code into Vorchiaic Cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detai of of Captain Kirrahe's uniform
My xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
I am the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
His xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
He is the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
In fact, when I know why a Krogan would like to wear my skin,
When I can tell at sight a Widow Rifle from a Javelin,
When such regrets like the Genophage weigh upon my mind a lot
And I know exactly how to survive if I'm on Aratoht
When I have learnt what progress has been made in
Modern Surgery
When I know more of viruses than all of Human History
In short, Unless you've been through the best Sur'kesh Academies
You're nothing more than a Neanderthal compared to me.
You're nothing more than a Neanderthal compared to me.
You're nothing more than a Neanderthal compared to me.
You're nothing more than a Neanderthal compared to me.
For my scientific knowledge, it is given, is the best of me,
And even if I won't make it until halfway through the century
My xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
I am the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
His xenoscience studies range from Urban to Agrarian,
He is the very Model of a scientist Salarian.
EDIT: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!
I found one after all the work writing it and there HAS been one...and it's...better....
Source► Show Spoiler
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian
I've studies species turian, asari, and batarian
I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology
Because I am an expert which I know is a tautology.
In four directions cardinal I know the blot routine-ry
I problem-solve with tools and guns and even farm machinery.
I'll sing your genome base to base, the T the A the C and G
I'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-y
Chorus:
He'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-y!
He'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-y!
He'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-seizure-y!
My knowledge is prodigious though I'm stuffy and professor-y
I'm fluent in the vorcha tongue and hanar luminescer-y
My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian!
Chorus:
His xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian
He is the very model of a scientist salarian!
While you're still eating breakfast I am studying catalysis
My ideal date would finish with statistical analysis
I've mastered optic instruments, reflective and refractory
I don't begrudge the quarians their hypochondriact-ery
I've memorized – eidetic – all my patients' anamnesises.
I've written papers, scores and scores, and that's not counting thesises!
I'll toxify my enemies with nary an apology
Then spend my weekends brushing up on elcor enzymology!
Chorus:
He spends his weekends brushing up on elcor enzymology!
He spends his weekends brushing up on elcor enzymology!
He spends his weekends brushing up on elcor enzymolomology!
When I complete a surgery I sign my name in suturing
I've cut up more batarians than Torfan's famous butchering!
If knowledge is a library than I'm its king librarian
I am the very model of a scientist salarian!
Chorus:
If knowledge is a library than he's its king librarian
He is the very model of a scientist salarian!
When I know all the acids be they levo, dextro rotamers,
When I tell your asari child her genes are only sortof yours.
When I read all the theories that my colleagues find heretical
When I know all the finer points of therapies genetical
When I could still cure cancer with my brain just halfway functioning.
When I can fix mutating cells, the point, the nondisjunctioning!
In short, when I've a smattering of transgenetic strategy
You'll say another scientist has never yet been half of me!
Chorus:
You'll say another scientist has never yet been half of him!
You'll say another scientist has never yet been half of him!
You'll say another scientist has never yet been half been half of him!
Though my skeptics call me mad and though they always try to censure me
And even though I'm lucky if I live just half a century
Even on my offdays I'd outdo the best Noverian
I am the very model of a scientist salarian!
Chorus:
Even on his offdays he'd outdo the best Noverian
He is the very model of a scientist salarian!